Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Ah, here i sit at my old table my Grandparents had for a very long time . I think this table is over 40 years old or more . A nice old wooden table that used too be able too extend too make it longer but alas i've barely ever done this as i've never had the room and i am the only person who sits at it anyhow, so wahhhhh . So here i am thinking about life, it's ups and downs, goods and bad and i wonder what the hell it really is about . You're born, you live you die . Whoop-de-doo! I've been thinking alot about my mortality lately and before someone gets the idea i am thinking of death, yes i have been and do quite often thank you but no i am NOT talking about suicide so please get that out of your mind . Why is it when someone talks about death, the word 'suicide' comes up? What pisses me off is the fact that i DO think about that also but it doesn't mean i'm going to do it . One of my personal philosophies and favorite sayings is, "I live to spite my enemies" and "the less there are of people like me the more there are of the so-called 'normals'" . why is there something wrong with being in a funk? why is there something wrong with wanting to be alone? Why does everything have too be so frikkin' LA!LA!LA! Give me a BREAK, PLEASE!!! I have been questioning everything since i was a wee lad and i will continue to do so at the cost of making enemies . I don't care! I have my own beliefs, dreams, thoughts, hopes,etc. and will continue to do so until the day i have expired from this accursed planet called Earth . I have always done my own thing . I am not interested in whatever the new "hip" trend is . I am not compatible with women, i am not a party animal, i am not a "stud", i am not "cool", i am not whatever this system wants me to be tho i am a slave to the machine and always will be unless i escape into the woods or another planet which i hope to one day! I have offended people with music, noise, art, comics, movies, and so-forth that i enjoy and i do NOT care because i will stand by what i am into! I enjoy the sounds of GG Allin, Mentors, Whitehouse, Sutcliffe Jugend, Rupture, Gut, Torsofuck, Gwar, Carnivore, Stormtroopers of Death(S.O.D.), Anal Cunt, and many other 'offensive' and 'non-P.C.' bands! The whole "p.c."/'anti-p.c.' thing makes me laugh! What a crock of crap in my eyes! If you don't like something, don't look at, listen. or experience what it is that offends you! Believe me, there are many things i personally find offensive and you know what? I IGNORE them tho it's very hard to escape the sounds of christmas music when i am downtown or at work . There is a song by Godflesh entitled "L.I.E.(life is easy)" . Truer words could not be spoken! I am frustrated with myself quite often but what can i do? Give up? No . I REFUSE! I am not happy with myself for my faults but all i can do is do my best to fix my problems . It is easier said than done but i know i can do it because only YOU can win the battles that are within! In my case, ME . I am grateful for meeting Chuck Palahniuk 3 years ago and for some odd reason i brought the package he sent me to work and i looked at the contents which included a very nice cool letter, 2 cds of him telling some of his stories, candles, a fake dog turd, mini bottles of hot sauce, a "wipe away the sins" mini disposable wash cloth, seeds for various plants, a bunch of glitter that he purposely placed in the box too 'get stuck in my carpet' as he put it, and a stuffed lion too 'protect' me! The coolest thing, aside from the very kind/cool letter was a homemade necklace that he made me, "Too Charles Styles from Chucky P" . A very nice cool necklace made with precious stones and beads . My thank you to you Mr. Palahniuk for such kindness and sincerity! would Stephen King do something like this? I think not! Opening this box again made me feel much better than i have lately and for this i thank this great writer and human being . As a fan of this man's stories, this was and is a great honor for me! I only hope one day too be able to inspire someone who doesn't feel like a part of this world too do their own thing! I hope some oddball kid out there hears my band The Earwigs and wants too make a racket of freak sounds . I want to inspire someone like i have been inspired by my favorite people and heroes! Thank you Mr. Palahniuk, for being so cool and REAL! I will continue too create noise, write, draw, work on short films, and be MYSELF and if you can't handle me for being me, then well,....too effin' bad! I will die one day and i'll be damned if i am going to be something i am not! I will continue too dream of being in outerspace with my alien dreamwoman and i will NEVER stop being what/who i am, CHARLES THE BIZARRE ALIEN F. STYLES . Good day and KEEP THE FILTH, because the faith may let you down but the filth will always be in you! Good night and stay real . your pal from Planet X .