Saturday, July 28, 2012

Nil title

Have you ever woken up and thought, "what in the name of  whatever am i doing here?" Wake up feeling like everything is totally pointless and your existence is a complete waste? Wake up feeling like utter shit, like death is just waiting around the corner any minute soon attacking and suffocating your entire being, seeing the last small light through the pure pitch black dark before your life as you know it has perished like ashes upon the wind, then drowned utterly in a void? Often after i wake up, horrible thoughts take over my mind . Fear, endlessly probing my entire being . Worries making me physically ill too the point of vomiting . Vomiting until tears pour down my face and a bright rash like redness covers my entire face . Fear coming from failure, nightmares occurring every other day due too stress, caused by human beings, caused by personal failures amongst other negative experiences . The fear of death and loss completely engulfs me at times! The fear of life itself, waking up KNOWING that terrible things will happen . A fear of eternal loneliness takes over at times as well as a heartbreaking pain of the loss of a love that could be, but not in this reality .
Reality, what a JOKE indeed! a lame pathetic world it is . I have always been drawn away from this planet in my dreams . The compatibility with most humans nil . The light of the day makes me ill . The night brings me to life . The "rules" of reality are shit to me . One day i will transcend this world and truly live my life . Happiness and light WILL ascend me from the grip of reality and for once i will LIVE!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Mutant Occupied 0.1

I have for years fantasized about living in the post nuclear war age, imaging living a life in the wastelands of the aftermath cruising the deserts in my  armoured car i call the "Death Machine" living the life of a real road warrior, seeking adventure while fighting the good fight as i endlessly search for fuel to feed my death Machine . with the wars raging about the world committed by the poor for the rich shits, it didn;t hit me til a year ago that it HAS been the 'apocalypse' yet i and everyone else didn't notice it til the last couple years when the so-called "shit"  did indeed hit the fan! The asshole politicians became worse than ever, the Kkkops got more brutal, the poor got poorer and the rich got richer! Cities became filthier and more rotten to the core as people just turned meaner and meaner than ever before!
I always considered myself a mutant, a non-human being reusing to call himself a human being . An African man doesn;t like being called a nigger so PLEASE don;t call me a 'human' because i REFUSE to be called one . Anyhow, things were pretty much the same! The new President Asshole brought back punk rock out from the gutter just like in the Reagan-era though for the life of me i can;t remember what asshole was picked by the so-called "moral majority" as new puppet dictator . No big deal!
The United States really didn't turn into a desert wasteland but it may as well be one considering how humans treat the Earth!
Like i said before, i am a MUTANT and i was always incapable of falling in love with a woman form this planet and i never will . Stuck on this planet far too long dreaming about that spacegirl which has now been i;d say nearly 120 years since i 1st saw her at a glance in one of my dreams .
That beautiful faunus told me she loved me so long ago and that i we would be together soon . Yeah right! I haven't had a dream about her in about 10 years ago, and the last one i hardly remember . The curse of love is maddening but i still haven;t given up hope of seeing her and escaping this planet one day!
In the meantime i find myself burning gas across the land shrieking along with the music i have in my machine . GG Allin died in 1993, 139 years ago but he lives on when i crank his punk rock up loud through the loudspeakers i attached too my fine ride!
Diary Year 2139 i am travelling across the old city of Minot, North Dakota . For some odd reason, the lights still work in the city . Many people have told me it's "not good t travel through cities" . Big whoop! I am armed to the teeth and fangs and i'll be DAMNED if i am going to be afraid of going where i want too! Anyhow, i am being a gentleman and moving slowly through the old decrepit street and i come too a red light . It turns green and as i am about to go through the intersection, a stereotypical whitetrash human gives me a dirty look and starts walking in front of me and then, me the bird! I can almost hear, "Yo! Whatcha gonna do, beeeyotch???" That's it! Step on the gas and the toilet bisquit is turned to a pulpy mush! Looking back in my rear view mirror, i see a group of savage humans calling themselves "Bubs" some running out from behind a building and grab the remains of the douche and carry it off too their lair! I laugh and hear one yell, "Blggghhh!!! Bllrrrggghhh!!!!" I press a button and the back end of the Death Machine opens up to reveal my Hellcannons . "Nahhhhhhhhhh! Forget it!" Whatta watse that would be . Live and let live says I! Time to find a place too rest for the eve . Goodnight .

Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Dream of a Space Girl

I have been stuck on this planet for far too long . 40 minutes ago i sat outside in the dark staring up at the night time sky gazing upon the heavens seeing stars spread wide across the sky . 2 in particular glimmered and twinkled . I stared at them each one by one wondering if the girl of my dreams who has haunted my mind for the last twenty years is on one of them looking down? I believe love is a curse and if i had the power, i would cut off and burn out the process that generates the feelings of love . For too long it has torn at me . The perfect woman who appeared in my dreams so long ago i still have not seen . Even in dreams the last few years she has not appeared once . Weeks ago i did have a dream in which i was in a place standing ion front of a large dilapidated old house . Appearing in front of me stood a woman in a dark shroud and hood, holding a picture in a frame of the very house . She looks up and a voice  fills my mind  saying, "Gaze into the picture and you may find your dream woman in there . " I stare into the picture and sense her presence but i do not see her at all . My mind fades back into my brain and i wake up .