Nil title

Have you ever woken up and thought, "what in the name of  whatever am i doing here?" Wake up feeling like everything is totally pointless and your existence is a complete waste? Wake up feeling like utter shit, like death is just waiting around the corner any minute soon attacking and suffocating your entire being, seeing the last small light through the pure pitch black dark before your life as you know it has perished like ashes upon the wind, then drowned utterly in a void? Often after i wake up, horrible thoughts take over my mind . Fear, endlessly probing my entire being . Worries making me physically ill too the point of vomiting . Vomiting until tears pour down my face and a bright rash like redness covers my entire face . Fear coming from failure, nightmares occurring every other day due too stress, caused by human beings, caused by personal failures amongst other negative experiences . The fear of death and loss completely engulfs me at times! The fear of life itself, waking up KNOWING that terrible things will happen . A fear of eternal loneliness takes over at times as well as a heartbreaking pain of the loss of a love that could be, but not in this reality .
Reality, what a JOKE indeed! a lame pathetic world it is . I have always been drawn away from this planet in my dreams . The compatibility with most humans nil . The light of the day makes me ill . The night brings me to life . The "rules" of reality are shit to me . One day i will transcend this world and truly live my life . Happiness and light WILL ascend me from the grip of reality and for once i will LIVE!